Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
