Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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