who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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