I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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