Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Panties = found
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
