So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
In America we eat man semen.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize