Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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