I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
