Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didn't notice because vodka
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
