he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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