Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish you could order shots online.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize