: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
