She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
