Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
