Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize