Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
