I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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