Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
