She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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