I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
