i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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