It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize