What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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