Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
