the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
