I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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