she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize