Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
