he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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