Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
where are my pants?
in the oven.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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