..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
