I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
