Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
