Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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