if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
