im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
