okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
