yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
