guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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