Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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