Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
