you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
