Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
