my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
