i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
