Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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