I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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