i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
