If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
