just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's never too late to be topless.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize