I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
