I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Randomize