Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
