I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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