I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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