Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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