Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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