it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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