I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
