I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
