just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize