I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
